It's Only Clock And Roll

When Noel Gallagher moves up a gear into verbal overdrive it's best to sit back, relax and enjoy the no-holds-barred ride.

The Oasis guitarist carefully picks off his targets with the skill of a deadly assassin.

So who's in his sights? H is volatile brother Liam for a start. Try this for size.

"We're in a period of unrest at the minute because he's a ******* idiot who insults my intelligence," said Noel, 39, sternly."

I have to supress all my working class urges not to smash a chair over his head.

"The polite thing to say is that we do a dance around each other. He doesn't get in my way and I don't get in his."

I know for a fact Liam doesn't like me. It's because I'm much more talented than him.

"I love him because he's my brother but I don't LIKE him. He says he loves me but I don't see much coming from him.

"Trouble is, Liam can never take yes for an answer. He tells me he's written a great song for the next Oasis record and I say: 'Okay, we'll put it on.' But then he'll start shouting that it should be included on the CD. I've just said yes, what part of that does Liam not get?"

Noel invited me to Oasis' secluded studio bolthole in the Buckinghamshire countryside to talk about the group's first greatest hits compilation, Stop The Clocks, due for release on November 20.

He is compelling company and our conversation covered a variety of diverse topics.

Last month, it was revealed Oasis are to receive an Outstanding Contribution to Music Award at the Brits in February.

The group have publicly snubbed the ceremony since winning a trio of gongs in 1996, so why the U-turn?Noel told me: "Last year when we should have been nominated for best single they chose Shane Ward and Tony Christie. We should also have been in the running for best album and in there was Kate Bush and Westlife."

That p***** me off, big time. They've asked us to accept this Outstanding Contribution award for the last few years and we've always said no.

"With Stop The Clocks coming out we thought, This isn't gonna go away so we either do it now or when we NEED to do it in five years and look more like a bunch of old fellas.

"I'd like to do it before I'm 40. It means Oasis will be the youngest ever band to get such an award. That's colossal.

"But it's live on telly. God help them - they've made the biggest mistake of their life."

The promo schedule for Stop The Clocks is relentless. On November 19, Channel Four screen Lord Don't Slow Me Down - a fly-on-the-wall tour documentary.

While Noel has agreed to be a guest on Parkinson on November 25.

He said: "About 70 per cent of the tracks on Stop The Clocks chose themselves then we had to work out which B-sides to use.

"Initially, I wrote down a list of 30-odd tracks but I didn't want to run to three CDs. The only criteria was to look at every track and say: 'Why should this song NOT be on the record?' In the end, it was put together like an Oasis fantasy set list."

Noel claims success sits comfortably on his shoulders. Not only is he one of rock's greatest ever songwriters ... he's also one of the richest.

Royalties from hits such as Live Forever, Morning Glory and Don't Look Back In Anger have made him a multi-millionaire.

What was it like when the huge royalty cheques dropped through his letter box?

He said "I went mental. I spent s*** loads of money buying cars and I don't have a driving licence."I've got a Rolls Royce that Alan McGee bought me for making him a multi-millionaire. Sixteen grand it cost him ... and I made him £20million."

I've also got a 1967 Mark II Jaguar and a big black Range Rover. But I can't be a**** taking driving lessons. I was told I had to sit a written test. There's no chance of me taking an exam in a school gym with a load of toerags from Slough. It would be like sitting my 11 - plus again. No way.

"If that's what it takes, I'll go buy a HORSE!"

Noel added: "I've also spent a lot on s*** - drugs, clothes and parties. I've never been ashamed of that. I earned that money.

"An Oasis CD costs £16 and from that the five of us get a pound to share between us while somebody else earns £7.

"I've got a huge house. It's ******* enormous and takes me an hour and a half just to walk a round the grounds. But what do you expect me to do? Live in a council flat?"

At 39, Noel is wiser than the young upstart who exploded on to the UK rock scene in 1994.

He's sussed enough to realise he has occasionally overstepped the mark but says he has no regrets, despite once infamously saying he hoped Damon Albarn of arch-rivals Blur died of Aids.

He also dismissed Robbie Williams as "the fat dancer from Take That" sparking a 10-year feud which continues to this day. He said: "The Blur stuff was out of order and fuelled on booze and drugs. You could pick out just one line from any of my interviews, stick it in a magazine and it would look offensive."

I've only ever spoken my mind. But I don't wish Damon any bad luck at all. I felt I was goaded into it by the guy doing the interview and I was a bit too dumb not to take the bait.

"So what about Robbie?Noel told me: "I don't like Robbie Williams' records, it's not my bag at all. But the guy has carved out a career for himself after really only being a backing dancer.

"I remember seeing him once at the Brits after he'd had one of his six-month periods of mouthing off. He put his hand out to shake mine and I said: 'Not when you're wearing eye liner, Sonny Jim.'"

Again, I bear Robbie no malice at all because he doesn't enter my way of thinking.

"I've heard about the secret track on his latest album Rudebox attacking us but I can't be bothered with it any more. He's got his thing, he sells out stadiums around the world - good luck to him." Noel did fire a warning to Mr. Williams though. The guitarist sings lead vocals on several of the hits on Stop The Clocks. Has he considered a solo career?

"Robbie is probably the biggest solo artist in the country but I'd eat him for breakfast," he said.

"Why? Because I write better songs, I'm a better singer and I've got soul. End of ******* argument.

"If I decided to go solo I'd be enormous. Just be thankful I can't dance AND play guitar at the same time or you'd be looking at the first gunslinging John Travolta.

"My heroes were Johnny Marr of The Smiths and John Squire of The Stone Roses and they never moved a muscle. So I'm not starting any of that.

"Much as Liam and me don't get on you DON'T leave a band like Oasis."Luckily, my head has never been turned by the prospect of making a country and western album."

Source: www.sundaymail.co.uk