10 Things We Learnt From Oasis' New DVD

Lord Don't Slow Me Down features an audio commentary by the band - so just what is Liam doing with that KY jelly?

1) Noel is a diety in Europe

Footage of the guitarist waving from a balcony is cheekily cut with Oasis fans waving from below
Noel: In five years' time that will be reality. Was i the pope? Well, i am a holy figure in Italy."

2) Liam got bollocked for talking to Girls Aloud

Oasis and girl band meet at a photo shoot
Sarah Harding, Girls Aloud:
"(On the film) Where are you playing?
Can we all get Tickets?"
Liam: "(Makes big hand gesture) Nah, they"re all gone!...
(On commentary) I got it for meeting Girls Aloud, [my missus said] I told you not to speak to the other girls."

3) Liam would run Noel over if given a chance

The guitarist strolls across the road as a taxi rolls harmlessly behind him
Liam: "Bastard! That taxi missed! if i was driving i would have fucking had you, man!"


4) Liam uses KY Jelly

Backstage and pre-gig, Liam puts in his in-ear monitors
Liam: "(To camera) The things i have to do,eh? KY fucking-jelly in my ears!"

5) Noel knows what a "typical" Oasis fan looks like

A bald fan queuing up for the Astoria gig sings Live Forever loudly and out of tune
Noel: "We're buzzing of this cunt."
Liam: "It's the Twang geezer (all laugh)."
Colin Murray: "(Hosting the commentary) There's your typical Oasis fan."
Noel: "Steady on (cuts to Liam singing), there's your typical Oasis fan, him singing in the mic!"

6) Sandals at Oasis gig are a very bad idea

Footage of a crowd surfer at Hampden Park
Noel: "Who wears sandals to an Oasis gig?"
Liam: "Especially the ones you get free in a hotel."
Noel: "Fucking rubbish! I'm off to see Oasis. Well you look like your going to the fucking beach!"

7) Liam has dwarves at his birthday parties

Liam is presented with a birthday cake from dwarf entertainers
Noel: "It's the little fella out of the Fratellis, Isn't it?" (Starts humming Chelsea Dagger)
Liam: "(Referring to the top hat) That's Daman Albams new look, isn't it?"

8) Liam does weird shit when left alone

Singer is shot trough a crack in the door, disco dancing, but there's no music
Noel: This is my favorite bit in the whole film! I've never seen this before. What is going on here? It's like David Bellamy uncovering some bush somewhere. Is that what you get up to before gigs?(Starts beatboxing in time with the dance)
You mental case!"
Liam: "You'll all be doing it next year"
Noel: "I'm going to keep an eye on him next time we go on tour. What are you doing onstage standing with your hands behind your back? That's rubbish, now i have seen the golden drifter in the room!"

9) Oasis jack up - on vitamins

Footage of the band getting injections
Liam: "(Shouting) Here you go, eat your heart out Pete Docherty, You fucking crackhea! That whinger!"
Noel: "All the vitamins you need are in an orange!Vitamin C, these three!"
Gem Archer: "It was in an Elvis book! It's in the rule book."
Liam: "Get some to put a needle in y6our arm, it's better, looks better, anyway.
You don't want to be sitting there with someone photographing you taking 30 vitamins, just wait for the doctor to stick a jab in your arm."
Collin Murray: "Could you not take Vitamin tablets?"
Liam: "No, you've got to open the top, stick it in your gob and swallow it."
Noel: "Can i just point out to the people at home that only three people in Oasis are doing Vitamin shots? There's one person left keeping it real."

10) Forget sex, drugs and Rock'n'roll, it's all about board games

Backstage, band are gambling heavily on a round of Frustration
Noel: "Some bands have whores and cocaine in the dressing room. What do we have? Board games are where it's at!(Laughs) I won four games in a row that night! You had to be there! Wasn't it about $125 a game?"

source: NME Magazine thanx @ JONO!