Tales From The Middle Of Nowhere
By
Stop Crying Your Heart Out
on
December 11, 2008
Taken from Noel's tour diary for oasisinet.com
So..Minneapolis? An arctic wasteland more like. Fuck living here!! Have these people not heard of California? You think it's cold in England?! It's colder than Thatcher's soul (if that's at all possible).
Stayed in last night. Endlessly flickin' round on the telly. I found THE most ludicrous programme I think I've ever seen. It was on a channel called Spike TV. And the programme was called "Manswers". Which - if I'm not very much mistaken - is a show that answers the questions American men are asking. "Manswers". Get it? Ok.
What follows is TRUE. It's what I saw and I hadn't been drinking.
1. What's the most powerful handgun available on the market? (There was a few to choose from and their power was demonstrated by birds with big tits in bikinis firing them in slow motion!! It looked and sounded like a spoof trailer for a Quentin Tarantino movie. Fuckin' mental yet, strangely compelling!)
2. How can you survive being hit by a car? (Apparently there IS a technique which was demonstrated by a trained stuntman (not in a bikini) and I was told NOT to try it at home!! What? Not even a little practice?)
3. How would big boobs bounce on the moon?!!! (An "expert" actually explained that they (the boobs) would react in the same way as they would if they were underwater! FUCKIN' LUDICROUS!!)
4. What's faster - a man or his sperm? (To demonstrate this they had a midget in a white all-in-one Lycra body suit on a running machine. He signified the sperm, I think?)
5. What's the horniest animal in the jungle? (You simply HAVE to know, don't you? Thinking on...maybe I'd been spiked with acid).
Fuckin' ludicrous the lot of it. Gimme Seinfeld any day.
In a bit.
GD.
PS. The Bonobo Chimpanzee is the horniest animal in the jungle (just in case you were wondering).
Source: www.oasisinet.com