'This Is Russell Brand Live On BBC Radio 2...Not!

RUSSELL BRAND - The Best Of What's Legal (Box Set)
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BRAND Russell Brand, if you know what I mean, is a big deal.

Like Coca Cola, iPod and your very own copy of today’s Sun, he sells. He is a brand with a small “b”.

A bit like Jade, he divides opinion in a love ’em/hate ’em Marmite kind of way.

So the people at Universal through their Vertigo label have had the foresight (or maybe they just saw Pound signs in Russell’s piercing dark eyes) to release a lavish four-disc box-set of highlights/lowlights from his notorious BBC Radio 2 show.

You know, the one that got taken off air because of a grubby little (or hilariously funny depending on which way you look at it) episode with Jonathan Ross in which they embarrassed a national institution, Manuel from Fawlty Towers (aka Andrew Sachs).

Today, the whole affair is like water off a duck’s back to our Russ as he gleefully announces his introduction to “The Best Of What’s Legal”.

“You’re listening to Russell Brand live on BBC Radio 2.

“No, you’re not listening to Russell Brand on BBC Radio 2 and you know perfectly well why you’re not... (dramatic pause) . . . because there was an awful lot of trouble.”

Praising his listeners for buying the box, he continues: “Over the next few hours, we’re going to take you on a journey, a very painful, very sentimental, very childish and, let’s face it, doomed journey that ends in one of the greatest media scandals ever to befall this dirty little circle we call world.”

Divided into The Beginning, The Middle, The End and a DVD of “viddycasts”, it’s a rollercoaster ride, just the right side of anarchic, with Russell joined by radio cohort Matt Morgan and guests including his mate Noel Gallagher, Alan Carr, Noel Fielding and Simon Amstell.

And OK, I’ll come out of the closet. The whole thing is great, smutty and funny.

Russell spins his yarns in that quasi-Dickensian way and you realise what a national, original treasure he’s becoming — and what a shame the show is off air.

That’s my bit of a***-licking out of the way so it’s over to Russell to return the favour.

Specially for SFTW, here are the ten best bits from the Russell Brand Radio Show — as voted for by Russell Brand.

On MTV America’s view of Oasis

I bumped into a music executive and he said: “Oh man, those guys are great. When Liam and Noel came in Liam refused to sing and spat at us – one of them punched my wife in the booby.”

On threesomes

When me and Matt had a threesome it was like two men trying to ignore each other in a tiny park.

“Hello there sir. Good work there, I admire your stroke. It’s half time, shall we swap ends?”

On co-host Matt claiming to have a girlfriend

He ain’t got a girlfriend. He got confused in a strip club, paid too much and is now trying to get his money’s worth. It’s the longest lap dance in history.

Requesting of Noel Gallagher that he be allowed to use Oasis song Rock ’n’ Roll Star to enter as host of the MTV VMA Awards

Russell: Can I walk on to Rock ’n’ Roll Star by your band Oasis?

Noel: Yes, of course. Which means there’ll be a bloke on stage they don’t recognise coming out to a tune they’ve never heard.

Jonathan Ross and Russell discussing his relationship with Bedtime Stories co-star Teresa Palmer

Russell: Do not belittle my romance.

Jonathan: I’m not belittling your romance. And it’s so nice to hear you referring to something as a romance. And that there’s still some level of poetry inside you – and also self-deception.

On The Daily Mail’s scare tactics

The Daily Mail want us to be scared of everything – even the weather. Remember when it snowed? SNOW, there is SNOW! Immigrant snow! Immigrant, gypsy snow! Immigrant, gypsy, paedophile snow! Don’t make a snowman, it will come into your house and f**k you.

On discussing the gay “cruising” practice of wearing coloured bandanas to indicate different sexual preferences to potential partners in Los Angeles, with Guns and Roses guitarist Slash

Slash: Yeah man, if you wear red it means you give, if you wear blue it means you take.

Russell: Bloody hell, in Los Angeles? Home of the Crips and Bloods? That could lead to confusion. “Sir! I happen to be a member of the Crips, so you can take your thumb out of my bottom.”

Discussing Lorraine Kelly's 25-year marriage and how she keeps it fresh.

Lorraine: He puts up with a lot, my poor husband. We’ve been together since 1985

Russell: Bloody hell, how do you keep it going?

Lorraine: With romance. We act like we’re still courting. We go on dates

Russell: Wow. Do you want to go on one with me?

On Sweep from The Sooty Show

I remember his head, he looked like he smelt nice. Why did he not just speak up and have courage of his convictions? I think he could speak normally but 50 per cent of what he said was dreadfully racist so it had to go through the filter of an adult.

On relationship protocols

I will only fart in front of a woman once I’ve made her orgasm. Not immediately after, that would be disgusting. But I think if you take the good you should be prepared for the bad.

Source: www.thesun.co.uk

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