As American Idol judge Simon Cowell prepares to leave the program to focus on bringing his X Factor show to the United States, rumours (trial ballons?) about who will replace him have been continually appearing in the media.
Surprisingly, former Oasis singer/guitarist is Noel Gallagher is the latest person to be suggested as the next American Idol judge. Even more surprising is that Cowell himself has said he thinks Gallagher would make a good replacement.
"I know Noel quite well. I like him," Cowell told the Press Association. "He is very funny and a brilliant songwriter — it's a possibility."
Cowell also said Perez Hilton would be a good choice as his replacement. Radio shock jock Howard Stern and Britain's Got Talent's Piers Morgan have also been suggested as new judges in place of Cowell, but nothing's been decided yet.
We think Gallagher's the best choice for the job, and here's why:
1. He will be merciless about pointing out when someone can't sing or when there's music he thinks is rubbish, which will be about 90-something per cent of the time. If you thought Cowell could be mean, just imagine the type of things Gallagher would say. ("Yer fookin' rubbish, get out o' me sight!")
2. Most contestants are going to look at him like scared deers in headlights. They'll also have no what he's saying, since he's got one hell of a thick Mancunian accent.
3. If American Idol's producers want to counter The X Factor, which originated in Britain and will feature Britons like Cowell, I think the best course of action would be to pick a really, really prominent British celebrity, and Gallagher is that. He's also got the necessary acerbic personality and wit.
4. Yeah, we know Gallagher's working on that solo album, but fact is he's got a lot of time on his hands since smashing his guitar and walking out on his brother in Paris last year. If he's continually surrounded by people who are shitty musicians and singers, perhaps it will push him to make a really great solo record and prove to Liam Gallagher that everything Oasis did post (What's The Story) Morning Glory? really was shite.
5. If Noel takes this on, it will be like spitting in Liam's face, and you can be Liam is going to have a field day with it and chew Noel up in the press. Can you imagine the hilariously entertaining bitchfest that will undoubtedly ensue?
6. Every second word will have to be bleeped out. Idol would then be 100 per cent funnier.
7. The image of Noel Gallagher sitting there with a pint in front of him looking incredibly irritated while someone sings Lady Gaga horribly off key is so hilarious in my head that it absolutely needs to become reality.
8. Anyone who expresses admiration for "soccer" will be shouted at and told it's "fookin' football," and anyone who says any team other than Man City is good will be screamed at and told they're an "idjit."
19 February 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010 stopcryingyourheartout.com 2 comments