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The First Commandment In The Church Of Noel Gallagher













A extract from an interview with Noel Gallagher from the current issue of GQ Magazine.

Danny: Noel. You're completely in charge. What's the first commandment in the Church of Gallagher? A rule we'd all have to live by?

Noel: [Long pause, thinking.] People shouldn't start work before 10 o'clock in the morning. People shouldn't work weekends unless they work in the service industry and they're getting paid double time. Thou Shalt Not Work Weekends. I don't like workaholics. Don't f**ing trust them. Why are they working? I don't trust busy c***s. That's how wars start: busy f***ers. If terrorism had a weekend off, eventually they'd have a year off. Eventually they'd go, T* * * this blowing up shit? Football's on." Thou shall not be arsed.

D: What would you ban?

N: I don't like litter. I like that Singapore thing. You know - you get caught dropping litter you get your head chopped off. I'd have a bin on every street comer. If you're going to buy a doughnut, eat the f***ing doughnut. Don't have a bite and then chuck it on the floor. Eat the f * *ing doughnut.

D: Who would you ban?

N: The root of all that is bad in the world. All religious and political preachers. it's like a Rubik's Cube of shit titles - it'll be entitled The Incontinence Of Elephants. And I'll say "What's that book about?" And she'll say, "Oh it's about a girl and this load of f* "ing nutters..." Right... so it's not about elephants, then? Why the f * * * is it called The Incontinence Of Elephants? Another one: The Tales Of The Clumsy Beekeeper. What's that about? "Oh it's about the French Revolution." Right, f*** off. If you're writing a book about a child who's locked in a f * * * ing cupboard during the f***ing Second World War... he's never seen an elephant. Never mind a f***ing giraffe.

GQ is on sale now.

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